In the beginning of my journey with Abante, our leader, Brian told us, “this is a safe place to make mistakes.”
I didn’t understand. I’ve always focused on good works. I’ve always done, done, done– without ever giving myself time to breathe. If I needed rest or I screwed-up, I obviously wasn’t as “spiritual” as I thought I was or maybe I just wasn’t “cut-out” to be in ministry.
I’ve always been Martha, like in John 12.
Martha served Jesus dinner while Mary washed His feet in perfume. Martha stressed about preparing the house for Jesus while Mary was looking forward to worshipping Jesus. While Martha was focused on doing for Jesus, Mary was only focused on being with Jesus.
Maybe Alyssa wouldn’t be enough, there’s probably something that she could’ve done more or better.
My team and I held a camp in the mountains of Puerto Rico for a private school about a month ago. Most of the students didn’t believe in Jesus, but they all had hearts that were searching for something more. I had the opportunity to lead worship; and while preparing for the weekend, I knew I was going to need something more than a good voice to get their attention. I needed something supernatural, something that surpasses gifts or talents. I found myself depending more on My Father while worshipping in front of them; and because of this lives were changed and hearts have started to heal. It truly is freeing to depend fully on God because I know that it’s not the things that I have done or the things that I’m good at that drew others in- it was only Jesus.
Right before I left home for Abante, I had my wisdom teeth removed. Although this video is quite hilarious, it describes my subconscious SO well. I’ve always been in a hurry to go do something for Jesus, and although outreaches, mission trips, counseling friends, and going to church is important- it’s not most important.
Let’s be honest here: I mess up daily. Sometimes I sing out of key on stage, even if we had a two-hour long rehearsal. When speaking, my words often gets jumbled-up AND I STILL CAN’T REACH THE TOP SHELF IN OUR KITCHEN, but Jesus chooses over and over again to love me. Doing for Jesus is important, but being in Jesus is what really counts. When we find time to weep at His feet and cover Him in our finest perfume, the fear of not performing well suddenly loses its grip.